On the weekend, I dreamed about Tungsten again. It was a stranger dream than the first.
I was in a mobile home, in which I lived many, many years ago, so long ago that Trudeau was prime minister. Hey, wait a minute… (That’s a joke for Canadians.) Anyway, it was a residence from my past, and Tungsten was there; she would of course have not been born for some time when I lived in the mobile home. Anyway, I think I knew in the dream that she had died, and was delighted to see her again. I could feel how soft her fur was, and how thin her little body was. She was always a skinny cat. There was no astonishment at holding her once more, despite her demise.
I brought a friend to show Tungsten had returned but apparently by then I lived in a narrow apartment in a row of shops that filled one side of the local university’s main concourse. (There is no such row of shops in real life). I was looking for the right place but couldn’t find it, and concluded, within my dream, that my reunion with the orange one had been a dream itself - a dream within a dream.
It’s been ten and a half months since the tiny terror departed. She remains the only one of the cats I’ve adopted who appears to my subconscious, perhaps because, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, all the others are with me in the real world. It would be pleasant to hold Tungsten in my waking life once more. That would indeed be a dream come true.
Of all the cats I've known, the first one I owned, who died a good many years ago, is still the only one I have dreams about. Mine are similar: He suddenly shows up in the back yard, and in my dream, it turns out he never died--he was just away for a long time, and was now back home again. I have that same dream fairly regularly. I like to think that means Archie and all the rest are still out there somewhere, sending me messages that all is well.
ReplyDeleteThat's the feeling it is with my dreams of Tungsten. She was somewhere, not dead, and now she's back. But she doesn't stay.
DeleteI dream about my beloved Chica who lived with me for almost 22 years. I too dream mostly of the ones who have crossed over. My dreams are usually that the cats got out and I am trying hard to get them all back in the house which has never happened in real life! Happy Mardi Gras!
ReplyDeleteCats of wildcat woods
I guess the cats getting out symbolises them passing away. But if they are in your dreams, they never really went far.
Deletewe know she is watching over you.....it doesn't seem like that long....
ReplyDeleteAnd it seems Tungsten was with me so very briefly.
DeleteNo matter how long our furbabies are with us, it is never long enough.
ReplyDeleteSo true.
DeleteWhen Suki left I swear she appeared on my lap one night all healthy again (she weighed 4 pounds because of her cancer when I had her put to sleep). I took it to mean her pain was over and please remember the good times, not the sickness. Dreams and such area way of reminding you to do just that.
ReplyDeleteIt's not always easy to remember only the good times, but we try.
DeleteI have dreamt of our two departed cats a few times too. A couple of weeks ago I dreamt I was holding our first cat. It felt wonderful.
ReplyDeleteHave a good day.
I wish they could stay a bit longer, even in dreams.
DeleteAs I'm 7 days shy of the 5th anniversary of Annie's death, I can understand your desire to hold Tungsten again. My thoughts and the boys' purrs are with you.
ReplyDeleteI know Annie's passing was very hard for you. The best of thoughts in the coming week.
DeleteI have had one dream about both dude and sauce that I still remember to this day ~~~
ReplyDeleteDude was in my grandparents house; the absolute LAST place I would expect him to be; I took it that he was actually living with them now ♥♥ I can hope
Sauce came back as if to say; it's ok...I'm ok, please be happy for me; { his last month on earth was terrible...I guess I still blame myself for ...a lot....and I probably shouldn't }
I saw Sauce standing next to someone in trousers; we always thought his original owner was a man and he himself had probably died; that's how Sauce came up for adoption
I hope Tungsten visits again
♥♥♥
Sometimes all we can think about is how we could have done things better for them. That's a sign that we cared, I think.
DeleteI've only remembered one dream with Abby. But like you to hold her again in this world would bring unimaginable joy if only I'd never have to release her again.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as they come into our lives it seems we have to let them go.
DeleteEric also sometimes comes to me in my dreams, and also it is in places that he would not have known. I like to believe that he is letting me know that wherever I am, he is always with me. My thoughts are with you. It is hard not to be able to hold them as we once did.
ReplyDeleteVery hard indeed.
DeleteI too have had dreams about my cats that have passed. Especially my Cody who died about 15 years ago. He was always special to me. Have you ever read Rainbow Bridge? If not, Google it. It was an essay that more recently was made into a poem. Read the essay.
ReplyDeleteI imagine a pet could be gone decades and still be just the other side of consciousness. I hope to see Tungsten again some day.
DeleteBittersweet John.
ReplyDeleteI've thought about contacting PAWS about Neville and Hermoine but I don't think my little old lady would handle a bonded pair coming into her life after a decade of being a single-cat household. I think I owe her, her peace.
I understand not wanting to disturb your cat's golden years. That's important. But if you know of anyone who may be interested in Hermione and Neville, please let us know. They are, according to their foster-mum, 'perfect cats'.
DeleteTungsten is letting you know she is watching over you in your new home. It is interesting the dream included a past home and a fictional home too. My Jessica came to me in a dream - she was her old round, tubby younger self and had four Whitespot butterhorn pastries in her mouth. We were in my neighbour's apartment (that neighbour has long ago moved out.) I really miss Jessica as I know you miss dear Tungsten.
ReplyDeleteI chuckled over the pastries Jessica had; perhaps an indication of her tubbiness? I don't know if the dream makes Tungsten's absence easier or harder. Perhaps neither.
DeleteI miss having dreams of my GA kitties..
ReplyDeleteYou don't dream of them anymore?
DeleteThere are bonds that transcend. You and Tungsten shared such a bond. Her mortal presence is no longer with you but her life force will always be there for you.
ReplyDeleteHad you said her name aloud lately?
I speak of her all the time.
DeleteI have dreamed of my Robin who was deeply beloved of all of us, and my Admiral. I could swear I have felt them all on the bed, brush past me, come in the half opened door bumping it enough to jar it in my hand's grip.I miss them so much and grieved so hard for each.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading about the Admiral, the cat with the most interesting name. Robin must have been before I read your blog. They are a part of us, these animals.
DeleteI still dream about Oskar and it will be the start of 7 years in June. I truly believe that your heart baby never leaves you.
ReplyDelete