I find that there are different aspects to missing Tungsten. First and foremost, there is the great sorrow that this neat little cat is no longer alive, no longer enjoying her heated cat-bed, no longer purring after we play our game, no longer leaning into the head-rubs I give her. I know that she did not find enough good in life at the end to stay. But there was a time when she was healthy, or just healthy enough to stand the indignities and inconveniences of treatments. I miss her company.
Beyond that, though, I miss her mere presence in the house. I wrote to a friend of an analogy which I find appropriate. It’s been many years since I have watched television, but it still lends itself to this comparison.
Tungsten’s absence in my feline family is like a television series that has lost its principal actor; she probably left to concentrate on movies. The series continues but without its main character, who is not replaced. The others in the series are excellent actors, portraying beloved characters, and no viewer wants the series to end. But there is a large element missing, a centre around which plots revolve, and everyone is waiting for the main character to return, or for a voice-over to announce that “the role of so-and-so will now be played by…” But there is no new actor, and the character is gone.
Each cat of my household, each life in existence, is its own story, its own novel, its own television series. Some are comedies, some are tragedies, some are mixtures. Many are badly written, some have no plot at all, while others are popular, hits or bestsellers. Each of my cats is a character - in several meanings of the word - and I want to enjoy them season after season. But the star of the show is gone.
Some cats are truly special and unique, Tungsten sounds like she was one of them. They take a piece of our hearts with them when they pass. Purrs for your grieving heart.
ReplyDeletethat is a wonderful description of the loss of each character in our lives.....
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteOh yes I completely understand.
I would not have believed anyone 2 years ago if you told me that the intensity of the pain I felt and the sheer agony of absence would ever dissipate. But it does. It morphs and changes and everyone has different experiences with how it does. I so needed to keep Abby alive and for her not to be forgotten. But I finally have reached a point where it is most important only to me, and although it brings me sadness to know that so many will never know her and how special she was, it is only now for me to carry that inside until ... and I believe I will... until I hold her again forever.
Your analogy is so true. The star has gone, and that is something that is irreplaceable.
(hugs)
That's how I feel sometimes. I want everyone to know about this wonderful cat. We're lucky in a way that we can write about our friends in our blogs. It's another way they can live on.
DeleteLots of purrs from us as you continue to grieve Tungsten's passing. We like to be fanciful and think that perhaps she's directing the show from offstage now.
ReplyDeletePeace.
John, it does take time....
ReplyDeleteand for being such small creatures, they fill such a vast space...home....
I am a firm believer that they are never truly...gone.....they've just moved ta another address; one we can't physically see...
tungsten will make her presence known, in her own way, when you least expect it, and I hope it brings you comfort in the knowing she's closer than you think, and she always will be ♥
She was obviously a very special Cat whose spirit and personality were far bigger than her tiny being. She can't be replaced but with time the others' spirits will grow to equal hers in their own ways. It must be so terribly hard knowing she is no longer with you. From Eileen and Jessica
ReplyDeleteIt's such a personal loss to lose a beloved cat.Only time will help the sadness move on and the appreciation for just having the opportunity to love her to settle in. You're in my thoughts, John. Hugs, Deb
ReplyDeleteSometimes we don't know until they have gone how much they mean to us and how big the hole is in our lives! It is something I dread, but know it will come! You are very eloquent, John and put your feelings so well. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI do understand what you are saying. The gap left by a much loved cat can never be filled and the emptiness is always there, but in time we learn to cope with the loss. It doesn't mean it goes away, we just cope. I made Friday Eric's Day on the blog because I want to keep his memory alive for all who want to see him. I don't know if that is right or wrong, but it is what I want to do.
ReplyDeleteI think it's very good to remember Eric with his own day. He was a remarkable cat and good friend. Let your memories of him live on.
DeleteYep, it's so darn tough to deal with but fortunately the love and happy memories never leave us.
ReplyDelete