Wednesday, February 17, 2016

My Appearance is a Laxative

Before you think of the several obvious punchlines to the title, such as “Yes, we always assumed you looked like crap”, permit me to explain. It refers to my arrival, rather than my physical description.

I have noticed something about my cats’ litter-box habits. Firstly, they are very good. I scoop the boxes thrice daily, more often if required, and sometimes, in an apartment, it is required. Prior to each sifting, I sweep and vacuum the floor of the storeroom in which the boxes are kept, then wash it each day. Come to think of it, my litter-box habits are pretty good, too. But allow me to return to the title.


Each time that I get up in the morning, and each time I return from work at the end of the afternoon, some, often most, of the beasts head to their washroom to relieve themselves. Under certain circumstances, this may indicate that my materialisation induces terror. But the cats do not rush, panic-stricken, to the storeroom. They walk, wander, amble and, in Josie’s case, waddle. It’s as if my arrival reminds them that they have to get rid of waste. 


“Hey, there’s that human again. That reminds me, I’d better poop.”

I’d like to think the connection is not as direct as that.

Perhaps it’s the bestirring of lazy bodies that compels them. They may have needed to go for some time, but it was not urgent, and could wait until toddling the laborious twenty or thirty feet to the litter-boxes could be combined with some other strenuous activity, such as sitting and waiting for soft-food to be handed out.


Since these visits to the litter-box not only coincide with my appearance, but usually immediately precede a meal, it may be that there is a vacation of internal space, in preparation for a re-filling of that void. This suggests a stronger control over the process of digestion than the beasts may actually have.


So this remains another minor mystery with which the cats confront me. It is part and parcel with fat, fur-coated animals lying in the sun on a blazing summer’s day, and with meandering about in the middle of the night making distorted, whooping sounds. There are reasons, I’m sure, but since none involves sickness, lunacy or danger, I won’t bother sorting out the puzzle at this time. My advent promotes regularity among the cats, and I can live with that. I just won’t put it on my resumé.

15 comments:

  1. I adore how much thought you put into this. There is also the aspect that they feel comfortable enough around you to do it as well

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  2. Umm...speechless! Almost. LOL. Well, that would be rather interesting on a resume, yes? Definitely would be eye-catching! :-D

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  3. What a hilarious post! I love your last line. Have a great day! You sure made me laugh!

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  4. Funny post. Be glad they use the box. :)

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  5. LOL! This was an interesting read.

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  6. guys...as soon az we iz done crackin UP......we will rites a commint...thiz post iz hill larry uz !!!!!!! ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
    ♥♥♥ yur dad mite knot put thiz on hiz rez oooo may; but him for sure kneadz ta sell thiz post ta comedy central ~~

    A PAWS A PAWS A PAWS !!!!!!!!

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  7. My gang does much the same thing. My theory is that they want to wait to go until they're sure someone will be around to clean up after them.

    Or maybe this is just some sort of clue for what they really think of us. One that's best not even thought about.

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  8. What a great post! It made my day! Thanks for making me LOL!

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  9. Oh gosh, I never thought of myself that way until I got Bree. I seem to be that trigger for her too now :) Thanks for the smile.

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  10. Hilarious, absolutely hilarious! My experience is, as soon as the box is cleaned, someone has to come use it. Come to think of it though, Sasha does tend to make a trip downstairs before supper.

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  11. I guess for most of the day and nights your furry tribe snooze the hours away, so when you are up and active, they keep the same hours to do all of their business.

    Julie and Poppy Q (regular as clockwork - but goes out in nature)

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  12. I think Poppy Q's observation is spot on!

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  13. This post did make me laugh! Flynn doesn't wait for my appearance to use the litter box, but like so many other cats waits for me to scoop then hops right in. He prefers to go out in the garden for his business, but he has decided that winter is too wet so comes in, does what he has to, then goes right out again. The trouble with that is that he has wet paws getting into the litter box so scatters litter far and wide when he gets out again.

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  14. Oh my gosh, that is too funny! MOL! Know what I think though? I bet they were sleeping until you appeared and you know what everyone has to do the minute they wake up.. Well, cats too apparently! MOL

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  15. I enjoyed this post so much, I saved it for a second read so I could get yet another chuckle out of it!!!

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