Friday, March 4, 2016

Difficult Cat / Easy Cat

As I wrote in an article last month, Cammie has progressed a long way since first she came to live with me. It made me think about how ‘difficult’ cats are sometimes stigmatised. I should write that I don’t think there are such things as ‘difficult’ cats. People who want to adopt an ‘easy’ cat often refer to those they don’t want as ‘difficult’. The terms mean simply the difference between a cat who does what the adopter wants and one who does not, or who requires a great deal of time and patience (on the human’s part) to achieve this end.

There are certainly a goodly number of cats who are not easy. Some are unsocialised, having never been associated with people, or have not been for a long time. There are some cats who are downright feral, characterised by an rather an extreme lack of socialisation. Perhaps they were born in the woods, or a dumpster in a back alley. Perhaps they have known nothing but cruelty from humans. But these are not ‘difficult’ cats.


I came to this understanding while pondering how Cammie and I have become friends. I simply ignored her. Well, that isn’t true. I did not press her. When I walked into a room in which she was lying or sitting (or, in the early days, crouching or lurking), I would talk to her, tell her how good she looked, and generally conversed about anything that was on my mind. She grew accustomed to the sound of my voice, to my presence. The important thing was that I let her set the pace of our acquaintance.

To be fair, I had an advantage over many people who want a cat. Cammie came to me to foster. I didn’t want another pet to play with, lie on my lap, sleep next to me, and be companionable. I wanted Cammie to reach the stage at which she would be those things, but I did not bring her home expecting or wanting her to be my friend then and there. People who adopt cats, as I have mentioned before, don’t want to wait six months just to be able to stroke the animal’s head. That is entirely reasonable. But I could wait. That, I think, is the secret to winning over a cat who is, shall we say, less than easy.

In their relations with humans, animals react. Dogs and cats and other domesticated creatures excepted, the beasts of the world do not normally amble over to a person upon first spying them. They stay away. In nature, that’s how they survive. A distrustful cat returns to that tactic. So, we must act friendly, gentle, calm, welcoming. Any attempt to rush things will be viewed as hostility, regardless of the intent. Give a suspicious cat time, give her room to hide or move away if she wants to, give her your patience, and in most cases I believe you will be rewarded not just with attention but affection.


This is how I became friends with Cammie. I continue to advance our relationship. She dislikes being picked up, but tolerates it. So now I hold her at the kitchen window, to which the beasts do not usually have access. She is distracted by the different prospect; meanwhile, I support her rear legs with my hand - she has not let me touch her rear legs before. Bit by bit… When you think of it, the best way to befriend a cat thought to be difficult is to do little yourself, and let the cat do the work, slowly building up her trust. Thus, becoming a ‘difficult’ cat’s pal is rather quite easy.

I think of this when I read of rescue-groups hoping to find homes for cats who are less likely to be adopted than others. Usually, it is a matter of shyness or distrust, often both. Among the blogs I read, Feral Cat Behavior, Random Felines and Daily Dose of Dogs are authored by rescuers or foster-guardians. They all have or have had cats who fall into this category. The rescue-group to which I belong, the Lethbridge PAW Society, in southern Alberta, certainly has some little creatures who need homes with patient people.

I can tell you that though I care for all my cats, no relationship brings me the sense of achievement more than does that I have made with Cammie. When I am at the computer in the bedroom, the princess will jump onto the bed, come over for a stroke or two, then lie down and snooze. She doesn’t have to be near me (and many’s the time she isn’t!) but she frequently chooses to lie beside me, or even on me. I think to myself, in a thoroughly boastful way, “I helped make this. I was able to help her trust.” There is no feeling like it. If you are reading this and thinking of bringing a cat into your home, consider the shy ones, the mistrustful ones and, yes, even the so-called ‘difficult’ ones. A cat who trusts easily will trust anyone; a cat who is afraid and whom you win over, will trust you.

20 comments:

  1. My girl, Pepper, is quite like your Cammie, what some might call a "difficult" cat. It makes the joy I feel during those times when she deigns to join me on the couch or jump on the counter when I'm reading the paper seem somehow sweeter. Not that I don't love snuggles with my Dubbie man, who likes to use my leg as a pillow! That's my favorite job...I just wish it paid more!

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    1. How we end up with these hard cases, I don't know, but I'm glad they have people to love them as much as the push-overs. Pepper does sound like Cammie, doesn't she?

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  2. awww - thanks for the shout out. :) We love how you have given Cammie time to be herself and come out of her shell. We have had shy kittens before - for us it is a fine line - you want them to get adopted so you put them out there since people want the "little kittens" but we certainly don't want to stress them out by making these kittens be something they are not. That said, it is interesting to see them bloom in different surroundings....Nashville was freaked out his first couple of days at the store and yet now is out and about and asking for attention (the store employees said he only really hides now when a noise scares him but he comes back out pretty quickly). Good job with Cammie....

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    1. Like many cats, Nashville just needed time. I hope someone will give him that permanently in an adoption.

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  3. " I should write that I don’t think there are such things as ‘difficult’ cats. People who want to adopt an ‘easy’ cat often refer to those they don’t want as ‘difficult’. The terms mean simply the difference between a cat who does what the adopter wants and one who does not"

    I could not agree more. there are no bad cats, just owners who don't understand cat.

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  4. You have made such progress with Cammie. She is a beautiful cat.
    My parent's took in a feral cat (Herman) some years ago. They did pretty much the same things as you have done with Cammie. Never pushed him to be cuddled or picked up. It took about a year and he would sleep beside my Dad on the bed when my Dad would nap in the afternoons. One day when we came to visit he jumped up on my lap and cuddled in. I have a photo I will post on my blog shortly but you can see by the expression on my face I am a little wary!

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  5. You have done so well with Cammie! Especially after the disastrous almost adoption here in Regina. I'm so thankful you got her back from that situation. I'm certain it might have been more difficult for her to trust after that but obviously she's come to realize she's where she belongs.

    My Saku, is simply not a friendly cat in many ways. He doesn't like to be picked up, he's certainly never been a lap cat, and he tolerates petting only when he chooses and he's been with me since he was only 3 months old. Yet, he can go be so loving when he wants, he simply loves to curl up on my chest/shoulder and purr like a mad man, and "climbs aboard" in the middle of the night for some attention. I take what he gives me when he gives it, and let him have his space when he wants. I figure cats are much like people, we like who we like, and tolerate the rest (most of the time).

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    1. Saku likely wouldn't give anyone else the chance to see his caring side. He's lucky to have you to understand him.

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  6. What a beautiful post, John. You are so right. Over the past 5 years I've seen it happen time and time again at the two shelters I volunteer for. With just a little patience and a lot of love, you can turn a cat that is shy and frightened into a wonderful pet.

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    1. The ones who aren't given love are the ones who need it the most, unfortunately.

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  7. Cammie...my stars, I totally understand. Even at 13 years, there are many things in my life I respond to with the word no. Yet, I've learned to say yes, perhaps, and maybe; a little more here recently. My people and I have an understanding just as you and your dad do, and the best part is; we know this, respect this and love each other all the more for it.....hugs girl from dai$y =^..*=

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  8. Time and patience. I think most cats just need time to be themselves. Cammie is lovely and I think she is deeply grateful for you coming into her life and giving her a loving home.

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    1. I like to think so, but they probably take me for granted. Nut that means they don't worry about their lives, which is a good thing.

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  9. Abby was in a sense a difficult case. I was her third home, no she had never been put on the street but because of her level of difficulty in assimilating to the Humans whose home she was in she was pushed into two different homes before mine. AND believe me she hated being with me during that first initial phase. I thought I had a wild cat on my hands the first day, but after that she took to biting me for at least 6 long months. Not breaking the skin biting but hard pinching let me test your endurance kind of biting. After she finally realized that I was not going to abandon her she gave me all of her loyalty and tough love. She definitely was tough love. But, in the end, I gave her what I promised. I would never desert her and I would love her and care for her and protect her, and I did...and that last day she told me how grateful she was. I miss her John. Tough love. She was so worth it.

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  10. I thoroughly enjoyed this knowledgable and loving blog today. I hope that those who are hesitant are encouraged by it.

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  11. Thank you so much for this post. Some past days I was looking this informative and aggressive post.

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  12. This is so very true. Mr Buttons and Miss Fitz came together into foster with me. Mr B was so easy to place while Fitz never had anyone look at her twice. Due to medical issues Buttons was returned and after over 9 months Fitz was still freezing still if in public. I gave both a home and am happy I did. She is still learning and he is a playful lap cat. Very different but each is special to me

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    1. They obviously just needed the right person, especially Miss Fitz. Just as obviously, they found him.

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  13. We were lucky that Truffle was only 5 months old when Brulee came to live with us.

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  14. Thank you for sharing such an important message John! Anne is a little dog that is quite a bit like Cammie. I am thrilled that after 5 years she has just chosen to lie next to me and lie her head on me the last few months. They all love and trust in their own way and own time. The joy is being the one to experience it :)

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