Renn continues to show signs of aging. Signs may be seen in my
other cats, too, but as a cat, like a person, grows older, the indications of
it become plainer. As well, I know my big boy’s age, so, unlike other beasts
I’ve had, these signs appear as if on schedule, the way one might expect a tax
notice or other unwelcome news.
Renn was born sixteen years ago, in the dry grasses of the coulees
(the hills and cliffs along the river here, easily riven and eroded because
they comprise only dirt.) His mother was socialised but abandoned, perhaps
already pregnant, certainly unspayed – a familiar story – and gave birth to
five kittens, all boys. They were rescued, and all, including the mum,
eventually adopted. First, though, Renn spent some time in foster-care, where
he bit his guardian. (She had tried to trim his bum-hair, something which still
provokes warnings from Renn; I heed them, and take my time with him.) Banished
to the basement, he was no longer wanted. He came to stay with me, and I soon
after adopted him.
I recall one of his favourite places was the ‘roofless cave’, a
lidless box with an entrance cut away, heavily taped in place on top of my
kitchen cupboards. Hardly as fearsome as his size suggested, he was, in fact,
anxious over many things – the roofers working on the neighbouring building,
for instance – and liked to have his refuge. He sprang up to a counter, then to
the top of the refrigerator, and from there to his ‘cave’ with the ease and
vigour of youth.
This week, while watching a movie, I observed him having
difficulty jumping onto the library couch to sit next to me. I insisted he use
Tucker’s Tuffet as a step. He did and all was well. Or, rather, the required
result was achieved. All would have been well had Renn been able to jump up in
one movement. Alas, that is no longer possible.
He also enjoys the corner of the library behind a bookcase. It is
a little resort, a hiding spot, like his ‘cave’ had been, though he doesn’t
need it for fear; he simply likes to have his own place, away from others. Now,
he must share it with Dabney, who also likes it, though this doesn’t seem to
annoy either of them. But yesterday, I saw Renn walk along the ledge that runs
on the wall under the window. He had intended to drop to the floor behind the
bookcase, but Dabs was already there. He tried to turn and go back, but I saw
that he couldn’t turn on the relative narrowness of the ledge, though it was
enough for walking on. This had not been a problem even a few months ago. Now,
he was perplexed. But his intelligence has not deserted him, as has his
strength and agility. He put a paw on the back of some books on their shelf and
used this point as a pivot, to give himself space to turn.
I have found few compensations for the disadvantages of age. It
brings physical pain and the debility to do what one once could. The world
itself grows indifferent, and one feels one has less significance than
previously. But the most melancholy of the characteristics of growing old is, I
think, that friends, maybe less healthy than oneself, or just less lucky,
depart. Watching my big boy grow smaller, grow weaker, is a sad study, and will
become only sadder.
But Renn is in relatively good health. His kidney failure
advances, of course, and he suffers from a chronic respiratory trouble that is
sometimes worse, sometimes better. I have hopes that he will live years more.
He is the last of the First Four, and he carries on for the other three. One
day, he will join them. But not just yet. For now, my big boy ages, but
remains.