Friday, May 22, 2020

The Empty House

In September, 2018, I wrote an entry in this blog entitled “The Crowded House”. It was just after Raleigh had come to stay. Neville was not with me yet, but Parker was, still. I had six cats living with me, and the cosy apartment felt crowded indeed. Parker has gone, his place taken by the Nev. Raleigh and Cammie are no longer here.

Despite still having four cats, the apartment seems almost deserted. A third of my roommates have departed. There is space where they were. Not only that, but the two who are gone were the high-maintenance cats of the household. I would gladly have all my concerns and efforts over them back, if they came with them. But they won’t come back, and the fact that I have less to do accentuates the feeling of emptiness.

The remaining four each has his own demands. Each has his idiosyncrasies and individualities, thank goodness, and all together they fill my time. But they don’t fill it quite as densely as it was once filled. There is less stress, less work. Something is missing.

I will grow accustomed to this new situation, and it will become normal. If a fifth cat comes along, the apartment will seem too populous again, and I will complain, as I am complaining at its voids now. However many cats I have, though, they will never fill the apartment completely. When a cat leaves, his space stays unfilled, forever. For me, there will always be corners of my home that will be empty.



31 comments:

  1. I know that feeling as well. Your departed cats left an essence behind them for you that is a faint sweet fragrance, as you go about your home getting things done. That is the way it is here too. My loved cats will always be here in essence and memory.

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  2. Oh! John...Bless you..!
    It was a awful thing to loose two
    cats within that short space of time..
    You miss them..Ah! That's the word..Miss..
    But! Things change, other events will
    happen with the others, but, l know what
    you mean..Goodness! I'm trying to say
    something here, my feelings for you and
    the two pussy~cats now past over..and
    besides your lovely posts, writings and
    photos, you will have your memories...!
    And, you will treasure them always..And,
    we followers will remember them also, never
    to be forgotten..! Bless!
    Hope that sounds o.k. Oh! Dear! I need a cup
    of tea..!

    Trying to think of a film called The Empty House..
    But there is'nt one..there is a short story...
    "The Adventure of the Empty House", one of the
    Sherlock Holmes short stories written by
    Sir Arthur Conan Doyle..!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, there is always change, whether one wants it or not: new routines, new personalities...

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  3. Last year, two of my cats fell ill and died within a few days of each other. I had never lost two cats within such a short period of time, so it was a great shock. Coincidentally, they were also the two most "high maintenance" of my cats. I know exactly what you mean about how not having to do all the work they required just accentuates the feeling of missing them.

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    1. I believe I recall you commenting that you were facing some hard times, but I don't think I knew that you lost two so close together. I'm sorry to read this. In my case, and possibly yours, the high-maintenance was due to the two being in poor health - or to attempts to stave off poor health - and so their passing before the others was perhaps not unexpected. Even so, it is a shock, in many ways.

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    2. Yes, it was right at that time. Plus, I had some other rotten things going on then, which just made it worse. Those issues have been resolved, but I still miss the cats.

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  4. I know that feeling well. I had to move some furniture to cover a spot where Sami slept in her box. And I still reach to her spot on the bed. Silas wasn't in this house quite as long, and Shady and Silver were left behind at the old house. Still they hold a place in my heart and always will.

    Take care of yourself, as you are the rest of the cats.
    Eileen

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    Replies
    1. The routines change but the memories never do.

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  5. I too know that feeling. At one time we had 8 cats. It was a bit much, but we all happily coincided (feeding time around the kitchen was a bit crowded). But eventually we lost the older ones (usually between 19 and 23), and we became 5. We were 5 for a while, then 3 for a long time (3 is a comfortable number). But we lost 2 unexpectedly within a short time of each other just this past January. So we are down to one. She (Ghost) as well as DH and I are finding having 'only one cat' in the house a bit strange. But since we are up there in years and do take care of the neighborhood outside feral cats, think we may just have to get used to this.
    I do follow your posts, John, although I seldom comment. Your cats are beautiful... and you take such good care of them.

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    1. Eight being a bit much I can well understand, and I can understand the acceptance of it. After all, where would those little ones go, otherwise? Three is indeed a comfortable number, as is four, so long as everyone's health holds up. I think the oddest thing about dimninishing numbers and my increasing age is that I have to look closely at any more I bring in, and there will come a time when I feel I cannot help any more cats. That will be a hard day.

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  6. I remember someone commenting, years ago, on a blog (not mine) that we never get over their loss, we just become accustomed to their absence. It takes time for us all to adjust to the new routine, but adjust we all do eventually. The heartache and the love never leave us, though.

    When (not if) you have a 5th and possibly even a 6th cat again, I will enjoy reading your "complaining."

    Peace.

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    Replies
    1. A fifth cat again? A sixth? Well, to paraphrase the Bacharach song, "So for at least until tomorrow, I'll never have another cat again..."

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  7. So very well said. It was just our Mr Buttons birthday who left us in 2018. I still can see him sitting in his spots around the house and on the bed. FIV took him too soon also. Buddy left us this year at a ripe old age but I miss the daily efforts he took to medicate and get to eat. Now we are at 5 and it does seem like there are missing cats which, of course, there are. We relish them in their lives and miss them when they have gone and these memories make a life with them all the more rewarding

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    1. Indeed. I really don't know if losing two at once is worse than losing two a year apart. It's all loss. I just wish that Raleigh could have had more time, like Mr Buttons should have. But then, don't we wish the same for our oldsters, like Buddy Budd?

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    2. Buddy had such a wonderful life with us it was hard not to want longer but more days would have been at the expense of good days. Reading about Cassie and Raleigh they had their good days in full. That we hold this in mind helps somewhat the heart.

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  8. I think everyone who has lost a pet understands exactly how you feel. I don't think the pain of the loss ever goes away. I think you just learn to deal with it. I have a good friend who had 6 dogs and 3 cats when I met him, and he once said to me - you can have 100 animals, but when you lose one, that's the one you want. He was correct. Meanwhile, may time and the love of your other cats ease your pain and bring you peace. And like Kea, I look forward to your "complaining" in future posts.

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    1. I feel now that I neglected the ones remaining - but also that I didn't give enough time to those who are gone. Sigh.

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  9. It is a time of adjustment and we learn the different way the days take, but that doesn't stop us missing them with every breath we take.
    I medicated Flynn twice a day which he disliked but never bore a grudge. Taking urine readings, checking what was in the litter box, trying to get him to eat, it all becomes part of our lives, and when we no longer have to do it, it leaves a void.
    It was only this morning that I was having a long overdue clear out of some drawers and found all of Flynn's syringes. It brings everything back.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it seems that the little reminders are worse than the constant, 'big' memories...

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  10. Yep, we sure understand too. When we went from 9 to 5 kitties it was quite an adjustment but we did finally get there.

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    1. I feel that there is space now for new cats. I'll never learn.

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    2. After my beloved first cat, Archie, died, I remember saying, “I will never have another cat!”

      Fate heard me say that, and gave a horse laugh.

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  11. Yes, as many said, I know that feeling well. Back in 2008 when I had 12 cats, I lost 3 in 3 months. One was anticipated, but one died in his sleep and my semi feral was either stepped on or kicked by a deer that left him with nerve damage. When he was being examined, a huge tumor in his mouth was found and I put him down right then. But, I will say the good that came out of that was that the last cat I took in, Oliver, being the low cat on the totem pole, moved up. He always watched from a distance as the more senior cats got the coveted lap time or spot closest to me in bed. And to be frank, I just didn’t have enough time to spend quality time with each one every day. Well, Oliver is now the top cat and sitting in my lap right now. He also gets the spot next to me in bed. He is one happy boy.

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    1. Neville is behaving like your Oliver. He is becoming much friendlier toward me, even getting on my lap. Well, not today, as I am having to stab him in the ear every couple of hours for a diabetic curve...

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  12. "A Cat Named Darwin" by William Jordan, discusses how the human brain deals with loss on the biologic level, and on the emotional level. This is a great read; not maudlin but factual. What I learned from this book has truly helped me, both with living with cats and without them. Hugs and purrs.

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    1. I've not heard of that book. Yes, I am sure there are physical changes with loss. That would explain much.

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  13. That is the wonderful and sad things about having our loved pets. They fill our days with wonder and sometimes even work, and concern and in
    your case, health care. But the moment they are gone, the emptiness is
    with us. It is the difficult side of being human. We get to love and enjoy, but we get to grieve. I know you have 4 lucky and loved
    cats to take care of and they in turn, unknowingly take care of you.

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    1. I have more time to spend with the four remaining, it's true - and I feel that I still didn't give enough to those gone...

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  14. There are always some special places a departed cat used that stays unused afterwards. I don't think it is deliberate by the remaining ones. It just wasn't "their" space. Then, eventually a new cat comes along and decides one of those unused spaces looks "just right"...

    I have one of those "Ess" scratching pads. Iza used to sit on or drape over it. No other kitty did. A couple days ago, Laz went and sat on it.

    It did my heart good...

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  15. when dude died; he was only one cat; but I remember thinking, for being a creature so SMALL; he filled such a VAST space and even though his medical needs were constant, when sauce died; I felt like "tuna" needed some type of care after that....I know you know what I speak of ~~~~ it takes time ♥♥♥♥♥

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