Friday, March 7, 2014

Hidden Josie

Things in my house have slipped into a routine following Bear-Bear’s death. In fact, they slipped into a routine quite easily. I think it’s because the situation caused by his illness was extraordinary, and life wants to be ordinary, so after the BB left, my world reverted to what it had been.

That doesn’t mean that my long-cat isn’t missed. Each morning, when I leave for work, I say good-bye to my beasts, my remaining foster-cat, Cammie, included, and I find there is something amiss in counting only five fuzzy heads. You see, what my world reverted to was not a world without Bear-Bear, but a world without his sad and deteriorating condition. It remains a world with him in it, but he’s not there.

It feels as though he is somewhere that I can’t find him, and that I’m excluding him from all my activities, that he’s being left out. I’m sure that sensation will fade, and probably soon, but until then, I feel as though I’m turning my back on the BB.

But there is still plenty to do with my other cats. None is sick, thank goodness, though Tungsten continues to require her hyperthyroid medicine, and I am learning about feline kidney disease. I think that will involve my tiny terror more and more in the days to come.

The cats still surprise me. Not long after Bear-Bear passed away, I woke in the night. There are usually three cats, sometimes four, on the bed with me these days, all the perma-cats except Tungsten, who joins me half the time; the other half is spent in the warmth of her heated cat-bed. I don’t blame her for that. Tucker, Renn and Josie find their special spots on the bed and hem me in as best they can. My Chubs is normally right against me on the near side of the bed.

I woke this night, as I usually do each night, at some point and, as soon as my eyes opened, saw Josie’s white face staring at me in the gloom. She was purring. Most of the time - in fact, always - the Great White needs petting to purr. Her motor starts more readily than it used to, and more frequently. But it normally needs to be revved up by stroking. Not this time. This night, she was simply looking at me and purring.

Thank you, Josie.


  1. they know...and while BB will never be forgotten, the feeling of "missing" will heal

  2. Purrs are the best medicine, aren't they? :-)

    I still say good morning, good bye, good night, etc. to Annie and Chumley...just in case they're still around. I don't think so...but you never know. Sometimes, the way Derry sits at the top of the basement steps and looks down, I wonder. Usually then I'll call out to Annie to get her butt upstairs if she's down there, that she's not sick anymore and doesn't have to retreat.

    You're right, though, in that life goes on...whether we want it to or not!

  3. Josie knows when we need comfort as all cats do.
    I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel as though you are excluding Bear Bear. I have a photo of Eric on the wall by the computer. When I took the photo he looked right into the camera and so it looks as though he is watching me wherever I stand. Flynn likes to lie on the computer desk when I am there and I will cuddle him. I look up and see Eric watching me as if he feels left out and that makes me feel bad.

  4. I agree with Flynn, I suspect Josie senses you need the extra cat purrs. I still look for Silas occasionally, although he's been gone for eighteen months. Now, however it is easier to remember him healthy, rather than thin and wasting as he was when he passed.

    Take care.

  5. Animals grieve too and also understand when one of the family leaves.When I had to send one of my ponies to the bridge a long time ago, and one of my cats sat with me for over an hour. Animals are just amazing. And it is hard when they leave just always looking for them.
    Have a great day.

  6. They always seem to know what we need, and sometimes they need to come to us for their comfort. Cats truly are amazing aren't they.

  7. There's something very comforting about routines and caring for the cats who stayed with us I think. The description of your home being free of BB's condition but not free of him, is very perceptive.

    Josie, what a sensitive little sweetheart, she will make sure you are ok

    Jane xx

  8. Aww sweet. It is nice that she is so happy being close to you.

    Julie and Poppy Q