Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Why Mornings Fear Me

Each weekday morning, I wake at five minutes after five o’clock. Well, that’s my goal. Because the prime vomiting time in the apartment is between four and five, I generally wake during that hour. On weekends, I sleep to five-thirty. (I have to give the sugar twins their injections at the same time every day.) Some Saturdays and Sundays, Josie will wake me at six minutes after five, thinking that I am over-sleeping. She’s helpful is my Chubs.

Anyway, this morning was a bit different. After cleaning up the puke - Parker threw up at 2.20, so it wasn’t him this time; I think it was Tucker; despite the hairball medicine and laxative, he continues to toss up bile - I fed the beasts. I noticed a new outsider-cat, a white and tabby animal whom I am naming, for convenience, Polydora. She seemed to want something to eat, so I fed her, too. Then I cleaned the litter-boxes, washed and shaved, made the bed. Then I heard the sounds of feline confrontation.

None of mine were in a fighting stance. In fact, they seemed interested in something that was transpiring outside. This wasn’t good. I looked out the door; Polydora was long gone. Instead, Hugo and Smudge (another outsider-cat, and a neighbourhood regular) were facing off. They did not sound as if they were debating the respective merits of eighteenth century French and Italian opera.

I seized a long and sturdy stick (it is used while I am absent to ensure that the door to the ditch cannot be slid open more than an inch) and stepped outside. Before I could distract them by banging on stones and wood, they closed, and the battle was on.

They rolled furiously and the fur flew, most of it Smudge’s black and white hair. Hugo is the bigger and, I am sure, more dominant; Smudge probably wanted simply to retreat but couldn’t afford to turn his back. I started yelling, and advanced upon the combatants, thumping the stick on the ground. They were likely confused by the approach of an unknown quantity - a middle-aged human in carpet slippers shouting incomprehensibly - rather than frightened of me. Whatever the reason, they parted. Now, I pressed my advantage and moved into the three or four feet between them. I spoke more reasonably, urging them apart. They walked, slowly, carefully, in opposite directions. When I returned inside, Hugo was sitting at the corner of a fence looking victorious, while Smudge had retired out of sight.

I calmed down my beasts and finished the morning routine in time to arrive at work almost not late. All this is why I wake two hours before my work-day must begin, even though its location is just ten minutes away by bicycle.

Oh, and just before I left, I saw Cammie dragging her bum across the new rug, and I don’t think she was hoping it was a water-slide. This can’t be good…


  1. We are in a place with, sadly, no resident outsiders. Luckily our home has no one that needs early, or late, intervention. It is amazing how deeply we care for our charges and many would think us mad except out of our cat community. The reality is they give back for all our efforts with a look, ankle wind, close rest with purr which is priceless.

  2. What a morning! Smudge and Hugo will have to set their schedules to different times, though I suspect they'll get into it when you aren't around to intervene. That's the sad things about outdoor cats, isn't it?

    Hopefully Cammie just had an itchy bum! ;)

    1. I fear it is her anal glands. But she needs to go in for a dental procedure anyway, so I will make that sooner, rather than later.

  3. Your day had already HAD a day before it was truly supposed to start. But I understand your early risings and the reasonings are very sound.

  4. right??? I can get up and be gone in 20 minutes - add in the cats and it is a whole different story :)

  5. Boy, things are never dull at your house. If it's not one thing, it's another. Hopefully things will improve as the day progresses. Have you thought about running way to a deserted island? It sounds like you could use some peace and quiet.

  6. If things were quiet at your house you would wonder what was wrong! At least your cats had entertainment this morning as they watched you.

  7. cammie; me purrson nul lee hope yur feelin better; had de scootz mee self bee for N itz knot fun; at home ORE at de vet ~ st francis' blessings two ewe that ya feel better fast ~

    tuna of moon ♥♥☺☺